


And at the end of the day, I have nothing

by Red_K_Alex



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, seriously this is sad and not a happy ending sorr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 07:22:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_K_Alex/pseuds/Red_K_Alex
Summary: Lena's moment of hesitation before stopping the nanobots might cost her everything





	And at the end of the day, I have nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This might be a little ooc so I apologize for that

“It'll kill him,” Beth says and for a moment Lena hesitates. But then she hears Supergirl struggling and Jack says “Lena do it” and she makes up her mind, she finishes the code and lifts her hand to push the final button. 

But her moment of hesitation was all Beth needed. In a flurry of movement, beth tackles Lena to the ground before she can hit enter. And that moment makes all the difference.

Beth is strong and is trained in martial arts, but Lena is a Luthor and has been taking self defense classes since she first moved in with the Luthors at four years old. She throws beth off her easily. Beth's head hits the floor with a nasty “crack!” Lena barely gives her a second thought before scrambling back to the keyboard and slamming the enter button. 

“I'm sorry, Jack,” she breathes out. She can't bear to watch as he lets out a final scream and explodes on the ground into a swarm of nanobots. 

She watches though as the nanobots surrounding Supergirl swarm into the air and disappear. Watches as Supergirl falls forward from the wall she was stuck to and hits the ground with a sickening “thud,” leaving a Supergirl shaped dent in the floor. 

Supergirl doesn’t get up. 

Lena rushes to her side just as a swarm of agents dressed in black burst into the room. “She’s not breathing,” Lena whispers. “She’s not breathing!” she repeats, louder. 

“We’ll take it from here, Miss Luthor,” one of the agents says, and she’s none too gently escorted from the room. The police are waiting outside to take her statement, and before she knows it she finds herself back in her office, not really remembering how she got there. She does the only thing she can think to do.

She calls Kara. 

It goes straight to voicemail. She tries again with the same results, so she fires off a quick text and an email just in case Kara is at her computer and not her phone. “Probably busy writing an article about this; she was the one investigating in the first place.” She can’t help but feel a little guilty knowing that she promised Kara to stay away, but she saved the world, surely that made up for it right? She hopes Kara isn’t ignoring her because she’s mad at her. 

An hour passes, then two, then three and Lena still hasn’t moved from her place on the couch staring at the floor. The scientific part of her brain knows she’s probably in shock, but that isn’t enough to spur her on to do anything about it. 

A few minutes after the sun goes down a very red-eyed special agent Alex Danvers slowly makes her way into the office. Lena slowly lifts her head to look her in the eye. “Can I help you?” she says a little more coldly than she intends to. 

“I’m not really sure how to say this…” Alex says.

“Just spit it out, Agent Danvers, I’ve had enough of a day already without having to deal with the anxiety of waiting.”

“It’s Kara. She’s, um, well she’s Supergirl.”

Lena takes a moment to try to process what Alex is saying before saying, “I’m sorry, why are you telling me this and not Kara herself?”

Alex looks down at the ground, a single tear falling from her eye. “Because Supergirl is dead,” she says in a shaky voice. She says something else after that, but Lena can’t hear her over the roaring in her ears. Alex walks over to lay a comforting hand on Lena’s shoulder. She jerks away. 

“I’m really sorry, Lena,” Alex says and it’s said with such pity and such understanding that Lena can’t help but reject it entirely.

“But I stopped it. I stopped the nano-swarm, I sacrificed Jack that can’t all have been for  _ nothing!”  _

“You weren’t fast enough,” Alex says, her voice turning cold. “Supergirl- Kara- she suffocated before the bots disappeared. I’m sorry, Lena, I really am.”

“I think you should go,” Lena says.

“I’m sorry?”

“Get out of my office, Agent, please.” She can’t bring herself to say Kara’s last name. 

Alex opens her mouth as if she’s going to say something, then decides against it, shaking her head and walking out the door. 

\---

Supergirl’s casket is empty, but Alex had thought it was important for the people to have the ceremony anyway. They bury her with an American flag draped across it and Lena can’t help but feel a little sick at the implications. She knows this isn’t the Kryptonian ceremony Kara would have wanted. 

Kara Danvers’s ceremony is a little more Kryptonian, Alex having spent hours in the fortress of solitude learning the proper rituals. Winn made her a traditional kryptonian funeral outfit, and they drape her cape over the casket before lowering her into the ground. It’s a little kryptonian, a little bit human, and a little bit off in Lena’s opinion. But that might just be the shock talking. 

\---

Three days later Lena is back on her office couch trying not to sob into her 7th (or was it 8th?) glass of scotch as she listens to Kara’s voicemail greeting again and again. That’s how Alex finds her when she walks in. 

Lena doesn’t notice her at first, so Alex clears her throat not wanting to startle her. It takes a couple of tries before she jerks her head up and hazy green eyes meet Alex’s. 

Lena clears her throat before carefully setting her glass down on the table. “I’m sorry I didn’t see you there,” she says, her voice thick.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to disturb you” Alex says taking a cautious step forward. Lena makes to stand up, but Alex rushes to her side and guides her gently back down to the couch. 

Lena stares at the table in front of her for a few seconds before stiffening and sitting straight up. “Why are you here?” she asks curtly. She shakes her head. “Sorry that wasn’t supposed to come out that…. Antagonistically.”   


“It’s fine,” Alex says with a shrug. “I need your help with something, if you’re willing.” 

“With what?”

“I’ll need you to sign some NDAs before I tell you.”

“Hmm, that seems suspicious. I think you should probably go.”   


“It’s… it’s for Kara.”

“Kara’s gone, as everyone likes to keep reminding me.” Lena slumps back into the couch, eyes glazing over again. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get back to,” she eyes the bottle of scotch still about halfway full, “coping.” 

“I think I might have a way to bring her back.”

Lena’s head shoots up.

“Kind of. Sort of. Maybe. A little?” Alex says, less sure of herself. She sighs and plops down on the couch next to Lena. “I miss her. A lot. And I want to miss her a little less. But I need your help.”

Lena finishes the remaining scotch before refilling the glass, all the way to the top. She takes another swig. Finally, she meets Alex’s eyes and says, “I’m listening.”

\---

Lena spends most of the next several days in the room with the hologram of Alura. Most of it is spent trying to reverse engineer the technology, but sometimes she turns it on and talks. Talks about Kara, asks about Krypton, and sometimes just sits there and sobs. The hologram is not very comforting. 

It takes exactly 8 days, 3 hours, and 24 minutes before Lena is finally finished. Alura’s hologram is taken out of the room and Lena loads a new cartridge in.

She flips the switch and Kara appears in the room dressed in full Supergirl regalia complete with hands on her hips. Lena stands there in shock for a second, but Alex springs into action immediately. She runs across the room and throws her arms around Kara. Well, she tries to anyway, but her arms pass right through and she collapses on the floor. She doesn’t get back up.

“Hello Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers,” the Kara hologram says. “What may I assist you with?”

“This was a bad idea, I’m shutting it down,” Lena says, her voice hollow. 

“Wait,” Alex says scrambling up and blocking the switch before Lena can shut it off. “I just need to say goodbye, please? Just give us-- me a minute?”

Lena nods. She steps outside of the room fighting back tears. 

“I miss you, Kara,” Alex says. “I keep ordering too many potstickers and not being able to eat any of them. You should see my fridge, you’d love it.” she lets out a wet chuckle. “Anyway, I just… I needed to say goodbye. And that I miss you. And I love you. And I’m so sorry.”

“There is no need to apologize, Alex Danvers, I am here to assist you.” It’s Kara’s voice, technically, but it doesn’t have the spark of joy and emotion Kara always brought.

“That’s the issue, isn’t it. You were always there to help everyone you didn’t ever stop to think about helping and saving yourself. It’s fitting you went the way you did, trying to save even one person. I love you, Kara, so much. You were the best of all of us. You were my light, and a light to everyone you met.”

“Kara Zor-El Danvers loved you very much. She would not wish for you to stop living your life because of her,” the hologram said. 

Alex choked back a sob. “I know that,” she whispered. “Doesn’t make me miss her any less.” 

“What else may I assist you with today?” the hologram said, any trace of emotion it might have had completely gone.

“That’s it, thank you, Kara.”

“You’re welcome, Alex Danvers.”

Alex hesitated before switching it off. “You want a turn?” she said to Lena as she walked outside the room.

Lena shook her head, paused, and then nodded. “Did it help you get closure?”

“A little,” Alex admitted. “I don’t think I’ll ever be completely over it, but it helped to hear her voice, however hollow.”

Lena nodded. “That’s why I’ve been calling her, even though I know she won’t answer. Her voicemail is just so… her.”

Alex put a hand on Lena’s shoulder. “You should talk to her.”

Lena nodded. She braced herself against the door and took a deep breath before stepping into the room.

“Hello, Lena Luthor,” the hologram said. “How may I assist you today?”

“Hi, Kara,” Lena said a little breathless. “I know Alex probably already said this, but we miss you. I miss you. I’m not sure how we’re going to go on without you.”

“Humans need air, water, food, and shelter to survive. As far as my data shows, you are not lacking any of this, you should be able to go on just fine,” the hologram said with a robotic looking smile.

Lena chuckled sadly. “There are some things needed for living that can’t be found in a database,” she said. “Anyway, I mostly wanted to apologize. I know your death was my fault, and I’m surprised Alex is being so chill about it. I think she mostly just needed me to set you up and as soon as I walk out that door she’ll be ready to arrest me. Not that I don’t deserve it.

“You were always talking about how good I was, how much faith you had in me. I’m just… I’m sorry I let you down.” Lena looked up at the hologram, almost as though she expected it to dispute her, but it just looked down at her with the same hollow smile. “Anyway, I’m going to do whatever I can to avenge your death, no matter what it takes. And also,” she took a deep breath, “I’m sorry I was too late to tell you how I really felt. I love you, Kara Danvers, I loved you. I was in love with you and I wish we had more time. I wish I had time to hug you again and hold you and tell you how much you meant to me. I wish I could confess to you how much I care, and that you’d blush and look down the way you did and tell me you cared too. And that whatever was starting between us would finally come to a head. And I could take you out and buy you as much food as you could eat, until you were finally satisfied, and we could settle down on the couch and I could show you just how much I cared about you. I wish I could buy you things again, and you would shake your head and tell me that you didn’t want me for my money, that you were with me for me, but you’d accept my gifts with that pretty blush of yours. And I could grow closer to Alex as a sister, or maybe even a sister in law someday. And we could bond over loving you instead of losing you.” Tears were streaming down her face now, and she reached a hand up only for it to pass through the hologram. “I love you Kara. I always will.” 

“And Kara loved you too,” the hologram said, her expression never changing.

“She did. Despite everything working against us, she did,” Lena said with a sad smile. She shut off the hologram and stumbled out of the room.

“Feel better?” Alex asked. 

Lena laughed darkly. “No, not really. But I do feel less hollow.” 

“Good. Because I’ll be honest, I was eavesdropping. And I’m not going to arrest you; as much as I want to blame you it wasn’t your fault. You almost saved her. No, I’m with you. We have to make the person who caused this  _ pay. _ ”

**Author's Note:**

> I just got to thinking about the scene where Jack dies and how Kara is the Only person she has and I was like "wow what if Kara had died there and Lena didn't know" and it um spiraled from there. I think I might have accidentally stolen the hologram idea from another story? I can't remember if that was another fic I read or a dream I had so if anyone knows what fic it's from if it is from one lmk so I can credit them for that idea. Anyway uh I'm sorry.......


End file.
